i think for now i'll be using this as a personal blog / journal where i talk about my day as a means to practice html and such. these will probably be boring (or probably not... guess you'll have to read them to find out. i don't make the rules)

it's funny, i've noticed a strong correlation between my creativity levels and my stress levels. as soon as i start stressing out about something (ahem, school) i start thinking genius thoughts and creating so much Art (in the most untraditional sense). i'm not really looking forward to school, despite Loving school a lot. i'm just really nervous to start again. so for the past few days i've been thinking a lot about how the trans experience is represented in movies and tv shows.

i made my first ever zine (on canva... i didn't have the materials i wanted to make it by hand which was what i had originally wanted to do)! it's basically a character study on wolfwood and i used him to think about the connection between the body horror genre and transness. you can read it here, but i think i want to find a home for it on my website too. later. the page i'm most proud of is the one on injuries. i feel like i articulated those thoughts the best. you can click on that image to view in full quality.

since then i've been on a roll of consuming media with very similar themes. i watched The Fly (1986) which was a very fun way of exploring gender through body horror. and now i'm re-watching BNA with my friend lola. i had first watched this anime in 2020, so i remember literally nothing. it's perfect because it feels like i'm watching it for the first time all over again. during this watch i was really struck by the transgender themes, especially in episode 4 that centers nina and our main girl michiru. the entire episode basically tells the story of two closeted trans kids sneaking out to a party where they seek acceptance, get to explore their gender the way they want to for the first time, are met with hostility, and come back home with no regrets.

nina is introduced as this dolphin girl who's totally obsessed with being a human and "passing" as one. she's an internet celebrity and tells everyone online that she's a human. online, she can actually control the way people perceive her and gets to exist in the identity she chooses! the one she feels she belongs to! michiru also has a lot of Body Struggles existing as a beastman when all she wants is to go back to being a human too. she's unhappy with her body and doesn't feel like it belongs to her. so once she realizes she can look human again on command, she and nina sneak out (without permission) to go to a party where nina is told she will be accepted. there, nina fully embraces what it's like to exist as a human. even tho michiru is still so hesitant and terrified and anxious and not ready to Come Out. and this party is so fascinating because everyone there puts up this facade of #allyship and nina gets so caught up in the excitement she accidentally turns back into a dolphin in front of everyone. the partygoers then start to parade her around like she's a shiny new toy creature and from that point onwards they only see her as a dolphin. it's like even when cis people get your pronouns and name right, you can tell when they don't really see you as your true identity. they still subscribe to the gender structures you're trying so hard to break out of. the partygoers just put nina back in this box (fish tank) she never wanted to be in, and it really sucks. nina gets hurt, michiru takes her home, and talks about regretting going to the party. to this, nina melts my heart and tells her that even though their night out didn't go as planned, and even though she was hurt and it was hard, she still loved her time there. she still loved being a human because that's who she really is! it was such a beautiful moment and so explicitly queer.

do you see how all of these thoughts come to me at 4 in the morning when i'm supposed to be sleeping, fixing my sleep schedule, and preparing for classes. do you see how these thoughts plague my mind during the most inconvenient of times. do you see how i struggle with these huge massive juicy brilliant brain babies that come to me during the wee hours of the night when i have other babies to tend to.



i've officially settled from my summer trip to morocco! that was fun. i am glad to be back. i missed seeing my friends. and watching tv! and good iced coffee. emphasis on the last one.

despite being ultra mega broke right now, i got very bored yesterday and went on a walk to the coffee shop and bookstore, and stopped by goodwill to check out their music collection. it hit me that i have a whole ass CD player, and thrift stores would surely have a neat collection of music for me to check out. so i went! i found meat loaf's welcome to the neighborhood. i've only listened to a few of their songs here and there and really liked them, so i picked it up to listen when i got home. i really like it! very meat loaf. and the album cover is wicked cool. i currently have it playing on repeat until i get sick of it completely.

i'm not mentally prepared to go back to school, but i still have a couple weeks before we start. i am most looking forward to having a job again. i went a little crazy with the summer spending this year... lots to pay back. but everything will be fine if i don't stress about it too much. peace and love, or whatever that trigun guy says..



after three years of begging my mom to take me up to the mountains of morocco where she's from, my dream finally came true! we spent two days there and it was by far the highlight of my summer. we arrived at around 9am and had breakfast, and i met a lot of my mom's cousins and their kids and they are all such wonderful people. they were really surprised i could speak arabic and that i was so happy to be there. i just love the countryside. it's rare i get to experience it. after breakfast we all went out and explored their land to see what they grew over there. most of it was olive trees but i was nibbling from all of the fruit trees i could reach. they had carob trees, i ate figs, blackberries, pomegranites, oranges, lemons, watermelons, squash, and others i am probably forgetting. after that we went back home and had lunch and one of my cousins found some bunnies and showed them to us! they were so cute. i loved hearing about all the plants they grow there and the animals they take care of. i wish i had that kind of knowledge on the life that surrounds us. i'm tired of being a city slicker. we spent the night hanging out with my mom's family and talking to them about all sorts of things. i got a huge ego boost because of how impressed they were of me, which is pretty funny. the bar is so low when it comes to moroccans who grew up outside of morocco that they were really surprised that i was actually able to hold a conversation! the next day i woke up at 5am (the roosters and dogs barking were really loud, but it didn't really bother me much. it was like a Natural Alarm Clock) and we all went on a long hike all the way to the top of the mountain they live on. i had so much fun i've never been happier. we ate all sorts of berries on the way (mostly blackberries which i don't even like much, but they were so yummy!). i came across this skull. i forget what creature left it here. most likely either a horse or a cow, i remember asking but i forgot the answer. it shall remain a mystery. i think the hike took a total of 2 hours up and down. it was wonderful. my mom's aunt gave me a headscarf and a 'mendil' so i looked very rural. after the hike we finally had breakfast at around 11am i think. and i took a fat nap. i woke up just in time for lunch and we had cous-cous! which also makes me really sleepy so i took another short nap. after that i went down to the well and filled up jugs of water for the family, and the water was so delicious. if you think water can't be yummy you're wrong. after that we had dinner and spent the rest of the night telling each other riddles (which i could not figure out for the life of me...) and chatting. it was really nice and i loved the time i spent there. i plan on visiting the mountains every time i come to morocco from now on. i love it so much! that's all for my summer updates...

on an unrelated note, i really wanted to see Barbenheimer at the movies but i doubt they'll still be in theaters by the time i come back home. i could technically watch them while i'm here but i did not pack my barbie outfit... and who would i be if i didn't go see barbie in my pretty pink outfit. not myself, that's for sure. even if i don't see them in theaters, i have plans to watch them both at home with my dearest miraç (≧◡≦) ♡ so i'll be looking forward to that.



figured i'd blog a little bit about morocco while i finally have some downtime. i've been so busy the past week it's been hard to find some time to recharge... after celebrating eid with my family (which was lots of fun) my cousins and i went to tangier for the weekend! we first went to this beautiful place (i don't remember what it's called.. and i forgot to ask) but the views were incredible. we then took a short walk up the Rmilat, where my cousins spotted some famous Instagram vlogger. it makes sense, it's such a nice spot. i've been to the Rmilat once before on our last trip for my sister's birthday. later that night we went to this Club (except it wasn't a club in the traditional sense of the word...) i thought it would be a Club Club, but it was actually just a nice sit-down restaurant. with some dancing towards the end. I was way too shy to dance (felt very out of my element) but it was so much fun! the food was delicious I had 4 of those mini quesadillas and a virgin mojito. mojitos seem to be all the rage this summer in Morocco (they even have them in McDonalds?) they're not even that good...

after the tangier trip we stopped by Asilah on the way back home to my grandmother's house. oh to live in one of those gorgeous neighborhoods. walking down the streets of Asilah will never get old, it's so beautiful. there's so much art around and i wanted to buy All Of It So Bad...... but I did not have any money... so sad. I'm grateful I got to enjoy it all in the first place. except, at this point in the trip i was so exhausted i could barely stand on my two feet anymore... I hope to visit again soon when I'm not so tired and achey, since it's not too far from where I'm staying.

after the tangier/asilah trip, i entered my beach bum era! i told my cousins i wanted to have a beach bum summer and it's been going well so far. i wish i could embrace the beach bum life back home but there's just no good beaches near massachusetts. that don't cost a bajillion dollars to get to. moroccan beaches are superior anyways. i went to kahf lhmam two days in a row and it was great. i got a little burnt for the first time! it doesn't hurt but i'm red all over. i guess they weren't kidding when they said the UV would be at 11 those days... it was intense! i loved swimming at the beach i'm itching to go again. there's nothing better than that special kind of Beach Hunger and the Post-Beach Sleep..... after day 1 of Beach i slept for 13 hours... i was so tired. on day 2 i went into the mountains on that beach and scooped up some algae clay and put it all over my face and chest and arms as a clay mask. it made my skin so soft.. hope you enjoyed reading my Highlights i hope they were coherent. i'm rewatching trigun stampede as i write this so.. hehe



i am currently on vacation seeing my family in morocco so i'll keep this short, but i couldn't go the whole day without making a special birthday blog post for my favorite dog in the whole wide world... remus! she's such a precious gal. i hope she enjoys her day 2 the fullest and gets a bunch of dog treats and stuff... whatever pups usually enjoy.



my beloved friend adia came into town to visit me today and i had the best day ever!! it was very rainy and we got soaked but i'm still so glad they came despite the poor weather. we had brunch at the friendly toast downtown and i had yummy scrambled eggs and adia had a fancy looking eggs benedict. she explained what an egg benedict was but i still don't understand it. it looked yummy though. we also did some indoor activities (shopping) at newbury comics and bought miles morales merch and i bought the new ateez album. the seratonin boost was going off the charts for both of us.. we unboxed all of our purchases immediately outside of the store. there was no time to wait. naturally.

after that we hung around the harbor and made up stories about how bostonian children get christened in the water where they did the boston tea party back in 1772. and i took that photo of my friend because their jacket matched the boat in the back and it was cute.

as i am typing this i just realized we never made it to the juneteenth celebration we were supposed to go to... i actually just facepalmed so hard. going to text this to them later. wow. that's the only downside to this trip i can't believe we forgot. well... we'll gettem next time! other than that, i am actually so happy i got to see them today and i had so much fun and i miss them already. i love adia! i can't wait for the next time we hang out (in person) ☆⌒ヽ(*'、^*)chu



god i love art. i love buying art. i'm broke as shit but i love deluding myself into thinking i'm a rich old lady patron of the arts. i went to the brighton bazaar today and had such a fun time looking at all the artists selling their work. i got a retromania poster, which i hope to go to next year. they have updates on when they host events like these on Instagram which i don't have anymore so.... i rely on my lovely friends to keep me updated on things like these now. i keep thinking everyone else stopped using Instagram when i did, so I'm always surprised when people ask me to follow theirs.... i really do Not want to go back to instagram but i might make a throwaway account just so i can get notifications for local events and stuff? if i don't figure out another way to be In The Know about these things... there has to be other ways...

i bought this beautiful little buglady print that i jumped on as soon as i saw it because it reminded me of my favorite jujutsu kaisen lady, yorozu ♡ from @mourningdoves (on instagram). i also got a cicada pin from the roving house and the beautiful 'sixties radnitzky' button from Marianne Radnitsky and a snake ring from a woman who's name i forgot to grab before i left and feel so bad about.... kicking myself for the rest of eternity over this.... im sorry snake ring lady i was too distracted talking to you that i forget to grab a business card to remember you by...

i had a great time today and i will Totally be coming to every one of these events now that I know they have them pretty often... the next one is in June i believe and i really want to get a couple t-shirts.

on another note i've been wanting to do yet another complete redesign of my website... i want a lighter theme that feels more 2007 web design with like fake ads and stuff... but keep the omori references on every page. i have some ideas i hope to get around to this summer. i'm off to binge the rest of succession now..... farewell



this will be a short blog post. i mostly just wanted to share this cool inosuke grafitti art i walked by on my way to work today. i wasn't too into KNY as a series but i recognized him and thought this was super cool. i love this alley they usually have new art painted on the walls every few weeks. it's nice to see what's new when i come into work.



this is the longest i've gone without updating my site in a while, i'm pretty sure. at least, it sure feels like it. I am so compeltely utterly burnt out. Checked out. mentally Done with the semeseter but i have a very difficult final coming up in 2 days and. have given up on studying for it. i've never had a burnout this bad before like..... wow i am just so done with school. i'll officially be Free! on friday night. then i'll be able to sleep for 3 days straight and then come back and start working on this site a little more. thinking of a complete redesign again. perhaps i should preserve all my old layouts somehow. finals week or my final week?! stay tuned...



i had originally meant to write this on my actual birthday, which was yesterday. happy birthday me!! i am The April Fool. since it's ramadan, i didn't really get to do any of the usual birthday celebrations (fasting makes me soo sleepy anyhow) so i'm just going to do a small birthday celebration with friends after eid ♡ yesterday i got my nails done at the salon because i hadn't been in a while.. i got red this time! i spent the rest of the day wandering around the grocery store Hungrily and then came home to watch tv and play omori with my friend ab ('▽^人) we finally finished the sunny route! i cried during the final battle & the final duet cutscene... it really is such a beautiful game.

well.. i messed up my sleep and meds schedule last night due to Important Gaming things which actually renders me completely useless for the day. sometimes i wish i had the Hyperactive part of adhd in me so at the very least i can get up and do stuff... however the ADD and the Fatigue demons r winning the battle of today. my brain feels foggy and extremely sleepy but i also am not Sleepy.. if that makes sense at all. this is unfortunate because i have two big assignments due in 2 days which is stressing my out a little bit... computer science is hard. (⇀‸↼‶) so i will spend today doing Absolutely nothing but rot in my bed and tomorrow i'll just have to grind extra hard...



personally i think it should be a crime that spring break only lasts a week. it all went by so fast! this week my friends from out of state and i got to spend a few days together over spring break and i had so much fun! we went to the aquarium and i made lots of sea creature friends, it was really nice. we also saw two museums and went to this super cute crafts place where we made hair clips and phone cases, and i really want to go back soon to make a rug because that looked really fun. i also had some of the tastiest ramen and the tastiest nigerian food i've ever had in my life. man i love good food. here is a slideshow of some photos i took during our trip!

1 / 10
penguings getting fed!
2 / 10
jellyfish are the coolest
3 / 10
what would you name this turtle?
4 / 10
a real life electric eel
5 / 10
stingray wearing a lettuce hat
6 / 10
a delicious scrumptious bowl of ramen
7 / 10
the isabella steward gardener museum garden
8 / 10
the car of venus by francois boucher
9 / 10
this place got robbed 30 years ago
10 / 10
mouth watering jollof rice and mixed meat dish

besides these adventures i'm also super close to finishing my third full playthrough of OMORI with my friend (we just entered blackspace, aaah!) and i am super excited to see how they will play out the ending. i love that game so much and it's so much fun sharing the OMORI experience with a friend too. i'm glad i got to make the most of my spring break, i totally wasn't expecting all this excitement! i am very much dreading the start of school again on monday... i have so much to work on. sunday will be crunch time... well. off i go!



jennette mccurdy?! at MY school?! it's more likely than you'd think. last Friday the one and only jennette mcCurdy came to my campus to talk about her book and i had no idea this event was happening until literally 2 hours before. i battled many demons and the will of gods in order to make it in time to see her and i'm so glad i did. i bought her book & audio cd as i was sitting there looking at her and watching her talk. it was surreal. jennette was sooo inspiring to me it was incredible to hear her talk ab her one woman show and her book and also her future plans! she's so funny and also.. maybe a little tooo relatable at times. i can't wait for my book to come to i can read it and maybe blog about it later. just wanted to document this highlight of not only my year, but my LIFE! i'll be thinking about this day forever... and if you're reading this. go buy I'm Glad My Mom Died by jennette mccurdy from your local bookstore i know you have one..



hello! i'm having a lot of fun learning how to animate images. although it's really really hard. anywho. its the last day of ~freedom~ before my semester starts tomorrow, and i am really nervous about my upcoming calculus and computer science classes.

i am not really a math person, and i added this computer science degree to my course load because i wanted a challenge (and i don't want to be poor!) ..・ヾ(。><)シ but i know i can do well! i know once i start classes tomorrow i will feel better.

this post is doubling as a movie review for puss in boots: the last wish. i saw this yesterday with my friend and we LOVED it. this was so surprisingly good i am comfortable calling it the most best Movie ever.

i've never seen the previous movies so i didn't really know what to expect. the first / intro song "fearless hero" is such a bop it's been stuck in head since i watched it. i loved everything about that movie it's hard to figure out where to start. i loved the villain of the movie, the Reaper wolf guy. and i love how he wasn't really a bad guy, just absolutely terrifying (nearly pissed myself whenever he showed up) (fun fact: my friend told me during the movie that in some cultures, people bury loved ones with coins atop their eyes and that sort of symbolizes death, hence the coins in wolfie's eyes. i just thought that was really cool). i've never seen a movie like this explore the fear of death, how to deal with these fears and still make sure to keep it light. making movies suitable for both children and adults is an incredible skill! (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

i am officially a puss in boots Fan after watching this movie. kitty and puss are so much fun. i really enjoyed their dynamics and their adorable ending together. i'm not much of a romantic but who wouldn't awe at "one life spent with you is all that i could wish for" like come on now. (≧◡≦) ♡

i guess my one critique of the movie was that it would have been better if there were more songs. but that doesn't really carry much weight overall. i think with that intro song i was expecting more songs like a disney money. and it would have been so good. but despite all that i'd give this movie a 10/10. the animation was incredible, i love how choppy it looked (choppy isn't the right word, but whatever they did gave it a comic-book esque feel and i really loved it)

after seeing that masterpiece of a film, me and my friend went to a vegan thai food place nearby. i had fried dumplings, wontons (yum), and some tom yum gai soup. every time i try something new here to see what i like. i did not enjoy the soup as much but i think that's just because i don't like water based soup in general. i luv creamy soups. next time i'm in town i think i will try one of their noodle soups. they come in huge bowls, so i will definitely be taking home leftovers. (^人^)

that's all i have for today. hope you enjoyed my rambles.



i think i'm starting to get a hang of this website building thing? thank you to the internet for being my teacher... it is so late, my head hurts a little and i'm still not tired. i am to blame. once i figure out this whole coding thing and learn how to make stuff fully on my own i will probably have more puter-related things to say. but for my first post? entry... i will practice my list making skills.

that was a lie i won't be doing that yet. first i want to tell you about my day. i went to a bookstore!!!!! with my friend and even though i said i would only buy myself two books i could not control my impulses so i bought four. here is a list of the books i bought today:

  • folklorn by Angela Hur
  • thistlefoot by GennaRose Nethercott
  • cassandra at the wedding by Dorothy Baker
  • decline and fall by Evelyn Waugh (which uh... i am nervous about ngl)

so that's exciting! here's a picture i took when i got home from my trip. and also a picture of the egg sandwich i had too. it was so delicious. scrambled eggs. avocado. pesto. cheese. tomato. on english muffin. mmmmmm... getting hungry again just thinking about it.

image of the books i listed stacked on top of each other image of my yummy english muffin i had today

this is looking like a real blog already wow look at that.

until next time!