JUJUTSU

kaisen

back

jujutsu kaisen mundane au landing page

now what if...

what if the jujutsu kaisen sorcerers weren't sorcerers. i've been spending too much brainpower thinking up all sorts of hilarious situations to put these guys in, which sort of spiraled into a fully fledged mundane alternate universe for them. kenjaku, sukuna, toji, and uraume are drawn by the lovely tojishole on twitter. yuki is drawn by the incredible naihilan_ and yorozu was drawn by the wonderful moddleoddIe on twitter. and kashimo was drawn by my favorite kashimo enthusiast ivan..

kenjaku

mundane!au kaori/kenjaku looking very smug. she just lied to your face about today's lunch special. (dithered)

kenjaku: reproductive biologist focused on fetal development

lead researcher since 2001

date of birth: 06-02-1979 (age 44)

department: biological research

current concern: the strange noises coming from the freezer... thinks it may be haunted.

  • compulsive liar. self aware
  • walks in like "did you hear those alarms? check out the ovarian cancer sample we worked on, it doesn't look normal" and the intern comes back like "you can't just lie about this it's not even funny!" and he's like "well maybe stop being believing me every time?"
  • his lab assistants really dislike him
  • was infertile, worked with the team who conducted her surgery to unblock her fallopian tubes (it was a small blockage). no longer infertile! unsure if he wants to have kids, though.
  • spends too much time hanging out in the other departments
  • what is the bio guy hanging out in the archives for?
  • assistants are relieved to work in peace so they don't care enough to ask any questions
  • cannot keep a single thought to himself Ever
  • it's a miracle she has not been terminated or sent to jail the way he talks about his research on human subjects? (this is because no one can tell if he is joking when she mentions the dead fetus remains in his refrigerator... he has to be joking?)
  • made one Former intern cry after calling her "the most brain damaged idiotic vegetable to ever waltz into this lab. you have got the intellectual capacity of a flatworm. seriously, who let you in here."
  • forced to go through mandatory professional development and sensitivity training after this event. kenjaku is now often seen smiling and nodding at her interns and interrupting (at the wrong times) with phrases like "that is the smartest thing anyone has ever said in this lab"
  • this is somehow more hurtful...
  • also likes to just word vomit all of the details of their current projects and plans to anyone who will sit still long enough to listen. they have so many plans!!! making real moves in the field and noooo one listens...
  • a walking fucking lawsuit
  • currently working on: leading research on how epigenetics affects developmental abnormalities, preventing those abnormalities, causing them?
  • sooo unprofessional. too valuable. knows and exploits this.
  • ends every argument with: this conversation is leading me to believe you are falling in love with me.
  • uraume [walking away]: he is a freak! i can't tell if he genuinely believes this. is he really that self-centered?
  • kenjaku: is it really that far-fetched..?
  • carries around a small bag of peanuts coated with cyanide in his lab coat pocket for when he wants to hang out at the park... and feed some pigeons...
  • very important lore: one day, one pigeon eats a death peanut and survives. kenjaku is utterly amazed. he takes the pigeon home and adopts it as a pet. other experiments may or may not have occured. kenjaku just really wants to know how the hell this pigeon is immune to cyanide
  • kenjaku (experiencing a particularly stressful week): im going to rip my brain out of my fucking skull and leave it outside for the birds and other small creatures
  • makes up reasons to get their lab assistants out of their sight so uraume can take over (perks of this: good lunch)
  • licks the dentist on purpose during visits
  • barely uses social media but when they do it's to start shit wtih uraume. only follows uraume and @librarycongress
  • treats every interaction with sukuna and toji like it's a mini social experiment
  • the first time sukuna and kenjaku ever interacted was when kenjaku lied about the lunch menu. sukuna had already seen today's lunch menu and knew he was lying. since then kenjaku is labeled DIRTY LIAR in his head and he never believes a word he says
  • toji's fault in this is that he expects kenjaku to be normal. so when he's complaining to sukuna about this during his lunch he's like "why does he treat me like a lab rat it doesn't even make sense what is he even testing!!" and sukuna is like "i'm not sure why you keep believing him" and toji is going to rip his hair about because that's EXACTLY what kenjaku said and toji is really close to never visiting sukuna at work ever again
  • after this conversation toji goes to get water and runs into kenjaku in the halls right outside sukuna's office and it goes like:
  • kenjaku: a visitor! how nice! you should check out today's lunch, it's turkey dinner!
  • sukuna [muffled, from behind the door]: it's pizza.
  • kenjaku [upset because his experiment was ruined, yelling at the closed door]: i just wanted to SEE!
  • toji, finally: see what! i am not a lab rat! you are so weird!
  • kenjaku and sukuna (still behind the door) in unison: well then stop believing me/him!
  • and then toji leaves to get the water and he comes back and sukuna just starts laughing and toji threatens to never visit again but they both know this isn't true. maybe after this toji learns his lesson and stops believing a word kenjaku says... a satisfying resolution to this arc
  • kenjaku keeps a journal with notes in his non-work related experiments
  • entry #0942: sukuna husband results: a bit slow on the uptake. took him three months to develop a mind of his own. now displays appropriate behavior for a man with a regulated frontal lobe.
  • entries #0063 - #0192: went to the park again. no survivors.
  • entry #0193: the first pigeon has survived the cyanide-coated peanuts. i took him home.
  • hates gojo so much for reasons that are hard to explain. you ever see someone and are overwhelmed with the urge to throw a chair at them and run away? that's how kenjaku feels about gojo
  • list of reasons why gojo stresses him out:
  • gojo went through his work files and made comments on his old papers. the worst part is that the comments he made are actually helpful and might actually be useful for his current projects... how does he know...
  • Eyes
  • gojo is not scared of him
  • he can't decipher what goes on behind those freaky deeky eyes of his. and he also doesn't respond to his social experiment bait so he is very unprepared for every interaction they have. this is very unsettling as you can imagine.
  • gojo working under him for those four days was the most miserable kenjaku has ever been at work. a fun little shake-up, if you will
  • is not a fan of the cold winters either. tries to stay home as much as possible and cranks the heat all the way up which is so expensive but he doesn't care (jin cares.)
  • will be the first to tell someone "just don't be cold" if he overhears anyone complain about the cold
  • he's serious. it's a real skill. i learned this from some guy at MIT if you're ever cold outside just relax your muscles and unclench and you will stop feeling cold. so just stop. don't be cold.
  • no one believes him though they just think he's being a dickwad again. no i'm not projecting leave me alone.